One Chef's Journey

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Who says I don't post? Spiderpig ROCKS!

Too Quiet?

OK, yes it HAS been two months since I posted anything here and no, I still don't have the time just right now to add more than this.  I am alive.  Life is moving in a forward direction.  There is much to write about.  It will come.  Soon enough, it will come.

Coffee Brined Grilled Chicken - You GOTTA try this one!

I was looking for new brine ideas for a roasted chicken and came across this yesterday.  I cannot begin to tell you how amazingly delicious this was!!!  You have got to try it.  It's seriously easy and will be a huge hit with anybody you serve it to.

Since it is intended for grilled chicken, I decided to take the hen I had for roasting and cut her into sections for grilling.  Of course, the easier thing will be to buy chicken ready for grilling...DUH.

The only variations for me were:

• The aforementioned roaster chicken instead of just breasts.  The amount of brine was perfect for the whole chicken and I used the 1 gallon zip-lock bag method, actually brining for about 5 hours and then grilling low and slow to keep it moist and not burn the skin (the ONLY way to grill chicken right)
• I basted the pieces with unsalted butter throughout the grilling, cuz I wanted to!
• I mixed a couple of different mustards for the sauce (Gulden's Brown and a spicy-sweet southwestern mustard I had hanging around)
• I used two slices of bacon and about double, maybe triple the cream (I didn't measure it.)  This sauce recipe was for two breasts, so I needed to pad it out, plus it had reduced a bit too much and was a like molasses, so I added more cream...MMMMMMM!

I kept the side dishes simple with steamed fresh broccoli and roasted Yukon potatoes. 

Here's the copy, taken from Epicurious.com

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Skinless, boneless chicken breasts are the poultry cut grill jockeys both love and hate. We love the convenience (not to mention the fact that they're virtually pure protein with practically no fat). On the down side, they're rather bland in flavor and tend to dry out on the grill. Brining is a great way to compensate for both of these shortcomings — especially if you use this "red-eye" variation on traditional brine. A shot of espresso adds an unexpected flavor (don't worry, it's subtle), along with an inviting mahogany hue. To complete the coffee motif, I propose serving the chicken with an espresso-flavored mustard barbecue sauce.

Servings: Serves 4. (Makes about 1 cup sauce.)

Ingredients

Chicken
1/2 cup hot brewed espresso
1/4 cup coarse salt (kosher or sea)
1/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
4 lemon slices (each 1/4 inch thick)
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1 tablespoon mustard seeds
1 tablespoon coriander seed
2 whole skinless, boneless chicken breasts (each 12 to 19 ounces), or 4 half breasts (each 6 to 8 ounces)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Redeye Sauce
1 slice of bacon, thinly slivered
1 shallot, finely chopped
3 tablespoons hot brewed espresso or strong coffee
3 tablespoons cider vinegar
1/4 cup Dijon mustard
1/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
2 tablespoons heavy (whipping) cream
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
Coarse salt (kosher or sea) and freshly ground black pepper

Preparation

For chicken:
1. Place the espresso, salt, and brown sugar in a large nonreactive mixing bowl and whisk until the salt and sugar dissolve. Add 3 cups of cool water and the lemon slices, peppercorns, mustard seeds, and coriander seed and stir to mix. Let the brine cool to room temperature.

2. If using whole chicken breasts, cut each breast in half. Trim any excess fat or sinews off the chicken breasts and discard. Rinse the breasts under cold running water, then drain and blot dry with paper towels. Remove the tenders from the chicken breasts and set aside for kebabs or satés. Add the chicken breasts to the brine and place a weight, such as a pot lid of plate, on top to keep them submerged. Or plate the breasts in a large resealable plastic bag and add the brine, let the chicken breasts brine in the refrigerator for 2 to 3 hours, turning them twice so they brine evenly.

3. When ready to cook, drain the chicken breasts, discarding the brine. Blot the chicken breasts dry with paper towels. Lightly brush each breast on both sides with the butter.

4. Arrange the chicken breasts on the grill on a diagonal to the ridges and cook the chicken, until cooked through, following the instructions for any of the grills below, until cooked through. Use the poke test to check for doneness: the chicken should feel firm when pressed. Or insert an instant-read meat thermometer into the thick part if a breast through one end: The internal temperature should be about 160°F.

5. Transfer chicken to a platter or plates and serve at once with the Redeye Sauce #3 on the side. For redeye sauce:
1. Place the bacon in a heavy saucepan over medium heat and cook until the fat begins to melt, about 2 minutes, stirring with a wooden spoon. Add the shallot and continue cooking until it and the bacon are golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes.

2. Add the espresso and cider vinegar and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Stir in the mustard, brown sugar, cream, and Worcestershire sauce, reduce the heat to medium, and let simmer gently until the sauce is thick and flavorful, 5 to 8 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Cardboard Boat Project - Cody and Harley Set Sail

So the boats were designed and built. The day had come to determine their seaworthiness.  With everything on the line (OK, with a good grade and the kids' dignity on the line!) the boats were lowered into the pool and boarded.  25 yards to sail...will they make it???

My ADHD / Adderall Adventure

Our story begins on April 10, 2008. I was having lunch with my friend Moe and near the end of the meal, he asked me if I had ever considered that I might have ADD, or ADHD. I was a little surprised by the question and told him it had never crossed my mind, actually. When I asked him what prompted the question, he said I just seemed to display some of the tendencies associated with the disorder and he wondered if I had ever checked into it. My sum total of knowledge on the subject was minimal at best. I always thought of ADD as being something that was mostly found in hyperactive, and annoying, kids, although I do know a few adults that have been diagnosed; it just never occurred to me that I could have it as well.

Being the obsessive person that I am, I immediately started Googling the crap out of Adult ADHD symptoms, tests and treatments. I was honestly pretty surprised to see that my test results, based only on the kinds of tests one can find on the web, suggested that I was likely to suffer from severe ADHD, and a few different types as well. Knowing that these on line tests were best treated with some skepticism, I logged into my insurance provider's site and found a local psychiatrist that specialized in diagnosing a number of disorders, including this. He's one of those pharmapsychiatrists that diagnoses and prescribes medication as opposed to practicing any ongoing therapy. That was fine by me since I am all about the immediate gratification that just doesn't come from weekly therapy sessions.

OK, so in 30 minutes this guy was able to tell me that I absolutely have this crap and that it was likely I had been suffering from it since childhood. Nobody knew what it was back then and I wasn't a hyper kid, just unable to focus on tasks and complete them. This was interpreted as laziness, lack of interest, whatever. I also had all the classics like getting into legal trouble, tendencies toward drinking and drugs, teachers that couldn't figure out why "such a smart kid" was not working anywhere near to potential and actually failing most classes in high school. I would score well above grade level on standardized tests and would even pass a lot of my classroom tests having never read the material or lifted a finger to study. I could not imagine anything more hideous than reading text or doing homework, so I never did it. I have no idea how I got away with this and still graduated high school. I do know that I NEVER would have been able to cope with college, so a lot of the resentment around not being "sent" to college was misplaced and is now just gone…almost…kinda, sorta! J

So here I am at 44 wondering what things might have been like if this were a known disorder with available treatment when I was a teen. Oh well, better late than never, right?

What follows is a daily journal of my experiences with this disorder and its treatment. I am keeping this for my own peace of mind and to report to my Dr. and to get it out there for anybody else that might be interested in hearing firsthand what this is like.

And away we go….

After leaving the cardiologist's office on Thursday with the green light on taking the Adderall, I rushed straight to the psychiatrist without even calling or making an appointment. I figured I had nothing to lose and I wanted my DRUGS!!! I walked in and explained to the receptionist that I had no appointment but that I would really like to see the Doc to get my prescription. She scolded me a little for the drop-in, but said they weren't too busy and that I could get away with it this time. After explaining the outcome from the visit to the cardiologist and showing what paperwork I had to back up my claim, I asked if we could get started right away because I had been anticipating this moment for a few weeks now. I had read tons on the disorder and the treatment options and the medication itself. I was ready. Feed me, Doc!

He was glad to write the scrip and explained that we would start with 10mg of Adderall XR to be taken in the mornings. I said that was fine, but I am starting today unless I am told absolutely not to. It was already 2PM and he said if I did that, I was in for a late night. Whatever dude! Gimme the meds!

OK, for now, the narrative portion ends here and this post will take on the form of simple, stream of consciousness journaling. I may come back later and turn it into something else, but for the time being, it is here to serve a purpose.

Day 1 - Begin the Begin

 

Started at 2PM, even after the warning. Just too eager to see what it is going to do to me. For me. Maybe not smart, but anxious to get going. Maybe one hour in, noticed a slight "speed" feeling. Got bearings. Sat at home with computer and organized my iTunes for my new Touch. VERY focused on this to the detriment of other things to do; plan dinner, shop, cook, WORK!, finish yard. Lots of thinking about what I was experiencing. Over analysis as usual. No change there. Just hyper-aware of being aware. Tried combining TV, but felt the need to carry on with the iTunes until finished. Kept going on that until 10:30 PM, then moved to the desk to do actual work for client I had been putting off for two days. Slammed that out and then did some emails. Again, VERY focused. Then turn that focus to porn. Oops! Had been noticing that my tactile sensations were way up. Basically horny! Hadn't expected that. There was a "cocainy" feel to the head and body, and that used to make me horny too, but it always left me unable to follow through whether alone or not. Not this stuff though. Weird! Finally went to bed around 12:30 intending to play a video I had downloaded for the aforementioned purpose, but ended up falling asleep pretty fast. Again, a weird combination of sensations with an "upper" vibe, but able to just go to sleep anyway. I think I might like this!

Day 2 – Hi Ho, Off to Work I Go

 

Up at six and couldn't wait to pop a pill and see how my day went. Keeping them by my bed with a bottle of water so it is the first thing I do when the alarm goes off. Moved to half-caf coffee this morning to make sure I didn't wig out on caffeine and amphetamines! Got the kids off to school and came home intending to shower and head to the office. Didn't happen! Things kicked in by 7:30 and I was off to the races. Driving home from school I was already in hyper-focus land. Got home and sat down to finish the iTunes work started the night before. I was very aware that I was able to finally really understand iTunes and how to make it work for me based on reading what was on the screen and paying attention to detail rather than just loading the music, right-clicking to get album artwork, having nothing happen and then giving up. What a concept. So much so that I wasn't able to walk away from it until about 11:00! Finally took a shower and headed out. Driving was…um…interesting. Had my new iPod Touch and found I was more focused on that than on the road and my car. NOT good! Got to work and was feeling a little speedy. First time I had to interact with adults while feeling this way. Not easy at all. Naveen knew the score, so I explained as best I could what I was dealing with. Again noticing the "buzz" and tactile aspect.

Around 1:45 I notice my foot tapping. First time I've done that since before I dropped the first pill yesterday. Once aware of that, I felt like it was "wearing off." Losing that focused feeling. Starting to wander around on my computer and in my head. Back to working many tasks and finishing none. Also noticed I was drinking LOTS of water and had little appetite. Only had a few bites of lunch throughout the day. Peeing a lot as well. All of this reminds me of the "old days" with coke or meth.

Looks like about an 8 to 10 hour ride on one pill. By 4:30 – 5:00 I'm crashing and not digging it. The drive home was in a bit of a daze. Lots of yawning and rubbing eyes. At one point I thought it felt absolutely like a meth crash and at that moment, I would have gladly accepted a pipe to get it back to where it was. That was not a happy memory. Decided that tomorrow I will change the plan to have one 10mg early morn and one at around 1PM. We'll see how that goes.

Day 3 –One Is Good, Two MUST Be Better

 

Up at 5:15 to finish cooking for NoM GM. Popped pill number one with glee. Couldn't wait to be in the zone. Within an hour, I was there. Cooking, drinking decaf, planning my day, remembering that it was John's birthday, remembering to pack Andy's book to take to the meeting, remembering all the stuff that needed remembering and with very little effort. The meeting was a whole new world for me like this. I was focused on what people were saying when they talked and not on the birds, the kids, the dogs. Felt like I was really participating rather than just observing. Things and people even seemed clearer visually. Met new men and remembered their names for longer than the time it took to hear them when they were introduced. Nice thing was that the feeling of being high wasn't there. Thinking maybe it is a breaking in period for the body or the brain. Three days in and the daytime feeling is seemingly stabilized.

Left the meeting at around 12:45 and popped pill number two in the car at around 1PM, so that's eight hours between. Not sure I will have that time luxury unless I get up as early as I did today all the time. If the second pill lasts into the evening and keeps me awake until midnight or later, no way will I get up at 5 – 5:30 every day and be able to function for very long. My hope was that I wouldn't get an intensified high during the expected overlap, but rather that it would just prolong the "being in the zone" into the early evening and/or beyond. So far, it worked. It's 7:40 PM and still there for the most part, although, there is a crash in the making. Will do the same again tomorrow and see what happens.

A few side notes: Noticed that I am sitting calmly in the car, not fidgeting, tapping feet or steering wheel. Not aggravated when a light turns red. Not that interested in the poor driving of others as long as they don't pose a danger to me. Not nearly as distracted by the Touch when driving. Smoking a lot, which is the opposite of what I had hoped. Will deal with that later. Started making a list today and it got way long. First it was the Quick List, then the Big List and then finally just a list. It's long and getting longer. So many things to get done. Need to learn list management, prioritization, scheduling, etc. Otherwise it will just become a massive and unattainable list and my head will explode.

Days 4, 5 & 6 – Three Days Grace?

 

OK, so I fell behind on the Blog journal. What a shocker! Been making lists every day and this has been on it every day, but seems to have taken the lower priority. Need to work on that not happening. Seems like there is just SO much work to do around this whole ADHD thing, like…

1. Working out the meds, so far on my own, but have follow up appointment with doc tomorrow. More on the experimentation fun and games later.
2. Learning anything and everything I can about the symptoms, treatments, tools for managing life, available resources and support groups, and on and on and on.
3. Reading, OK listening to, the book Delivered from Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell. WOW, what a book. 12 hours on iPod unabridged and almost all of it so far (I'm up to Part 3, Chapter 11 or 12 now) is fascinating, eye opening, funny, sob inducing, useful material. No idea how long it will take to finish. Been listening to only that in car and on headphones when walking (more on that later too)
4. Writing in hard copy journal, mostly tracking meds dosages, times and results, making daily To Do lists, a little general journal writing, but not nearly enough. That, and this, is going to take practice and discipline, neither of which appear to be generally easy things for the ADHD brain. At least I know that now and can breathe a little easier that I am not just fucked up in the head. OK, I am, but it's not my fault or anybody else's and that makes a huge difference in self perception and self confidence.
5. Trying to build routines for myself. This is something not likely to be successful if I am silly enough to just try to do it myself.
   1. On positive note, have included a brisk 40 minute or longer walk everyday followed by a long hot shower, which is in and of itself a whole new experience. Again, more on this later. Have to finish this list first. Maybe it IS finished. Let's see.
6. Nope, forgot one other not so minor thing. Have had to also incorporate actual work work into my days. Luckily not terribly busy this week, so that's helpful. I do wonder, however, what it would be like if I were busy and needed to be in the office rather than having the luxury of working from home. Traveling to new customer for kick off meeting and requirements gathering next week, so I guess we shall see. Better not mess with the meds too much during that, huh? J

Sooo, here we are back again with three days to cover. Actually, the list above covers most at a igh level, but I need to elaborate on some. Understatement? Um…YEAH!

Let's talk meds first. Doc put me on a dose of 10mg Adderall XR (Extended Release) to be taken once in the morning, but as evidenced in the above entries, that didn't really work out. If I took it at say 7:00 AM, I crashed by 3 or 4. The crash was not fun at all and pretty much ruined the rest of the day. When I got home, went straight for the bottle to medicate. Bottle of vodka I mean, not bottle of pills. NOT useful. So I took the advice of a friend and decided to alter my routine with the pills. On his learned advice, I obtained four of the Adderall 20mg IR (Immediate Release) from another ADHD brother and cut them into quarters so I had a nice supply of 5mg IR essentially. I start my day with a 5mg IR to "get going." It's a faster road to "the zone" since the IR only take about 20 minutes to hit the brain. I ride that for a few hours and then take the 10mg XR for the 6-ish hour ride. I say ride, but that feeling went away after the second or third day. Now it's just a level of awareness that the difference in mind set, attention, focus, etc. are there where they weren't before. Then around 4:00 PM or so, I take another 5mg IR to get through till bedtime without feeling like it's all going away again. That's the feeling that just sucks. It's not like coming down from a high, but rather like being given the gift of sight only to notice that things are starting to get dark again. Like knowing you better hurry up and do what needs doing before you lose the ability to keep it in your brain long enough to do something with it. I get back to that "wait, I can't remember why I came into this room" feeling. I notice that my foot is doing the tapping thing for the first time since I sat with my coffee and cigarette in the morning before the IR kicked in. I notice that I have 6 Internet Explorer windows open, all in the middle of some task or some page I was reading or form I was filling out. That I have two or more open, but unfinished, emails on the desktop. One metaphor I just thought of was that it is like going from watching a movie or show on the TV and slowly noticing that the picture-in-picture has been activated and not being able to concentrate fully on just one of them. Then the screen that displays 8 or 16 channels at once comes on and you know it's all just gone now. The ability to focus. The ability to not get easily distracted by the cat sitting at the window outside. Too late in the day to take another pill lest I resign myself to being awake until 1:00AM and waking up feeling like shit and maybe popping two pills in an effort to get there quicker. I did that once, so I know from whence I speak. It ain't the way to go! Need to talk to the doc tomorrow about the best course to get the best results given my experiences of the past week and my propensity for pushing too hard for the quick fix. Might be that Adderall isn't the best choice for me. I dunno. We'll keep you updated on that story as it develops. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.

Booze and cigarettes – I remember thinking only a week ago that I couldn't wait to start the meds because then it would likely remove, or at least dampen, my smoking and drinking habits. These, along with other abuses like food or sex, are trademark behaviors of the ADHD afflicted. I believed that once magically centered and focused that my desires for my two biggest weaknesses would dissipate. Not so much! The cigarette consumption has generally increased. Now that I am in this thing, of course I remember that it's the same when ingesting other stimulants as well, be that anything from caffeine to cocaine, and everything in between. By the way, I am now 100% caffeine and sugar free and have also dropped six pounds in as many days. Some of the side effects are pretty peachy! As far as the booze, that's going to be a tough nut to crack for me. Though I have been working, kinda sorta, on it with my NoM team for a few months, it still remains for the most part unchanged. The level of drinking varies from day to day, but not by a lot. There are dangers associated with alcohol consumption and stimulants, so I need to be mindful. Actually, I am mindful, just not so much as to actually affect the necessary change. It feels like the rationalizations behind the desire to pour a drink are a little different, but I don't feel like that counts for much. Before the meds, it was a feeling of slight dread as I headed home that sparked my excitement over pouring a drink, to be followed by another, so that I could "check out" as quickly as I could. I'd pour a cocktail or glass of wine to have while I cooked dinner and that one would go pretty slowly, but then I'd pour another to have with dinner and another to have after dinner and another to take to bed. It's a hideous pattern, made even more so by the awareness that I was doing it while I was doing it. The morning after is never very pleasant either! At the point of pouring the "take it to bed" drink, I do so with an attitude, greatly aided by the alcohol already in my system, of "Yeah, whatever. Who cares?" So now it's different and yet still kind of the same. Come 4:00 or 5:00 PM, I know the effects of the Adderall will be going away soon and I want to avoid the "back to normal" feeling that's on its way. I think what we do, we being the ADHD brained population of the world, is to look for anyway we can to not be in our own heads. That's where we live. It ain't fun in there, I tell ya. What's the Pink Floyd lyric from The Wall? "I got thirteen channels of shit on the TV to choose from…choose from…choose from." That's what it is like in my head and I am reading that I am SO not alone! The only way to narrow it down to a manageable amount of shit is to alter your state, however you can. The statistics I have been hearing and reading about the number of untreated ADHD cases in prisons come as absolutely no surprise. I remember being headed down that very path. It's possible that at least one thing that saved me from it was one thing I hated my father for the most at the time; moving from place to place so much when I was a kid. Had we not left Dickson, TN when we did, I would surely have followed my friend Paul into that world. We used to get up to some really bad shit. If it was dangerous and illegal, we did it. I was thirteen, for fuck sake! Paul went on to do bigger crimes after we moved away. He landed in jail and then prison. He once grabbed his own pinky finger and snapped it, broke it, when on some medication to calm him down. He told me when I was back for a visit to my grandmother's that he did it just for a thrill and he grinned when he was telling the story. Paul died in a knife fight some time later.

Whoa, that became a bit of a tangent, huh? The sudden ability to just write and write is amazing at times. OK, what's next?

Learning new tools – From everything I am reading, it is clear that medication alone will not be the be all and end all where this new journey is concerned. It's a beginning. Just like putting a name to what makes you the way you are is a beginning. Both are HUGE beginnings, but once past the euphoria of those beginnings, the learning, or re-learning begins. I see that staying dedicated to that learning and putting it into practice is not something I will be successful at doing alone. It felt like it at first, but that's magical thinking, and that's not me; ADHD or not. I see there are a lot of tools available and just got a couple. Another audio book called Getting Things Done by David Allen and a hard copy book called ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by Judith Kolberg. Need to finish Delivered from Distraction on the iPod before listening to the Getting Things Done book. I do have a suspicion that I should have ordered a hard copy of that one, but we'll see. Anyway, my plan is to get the meds right, understand the requirements for effectively learning new techniques and then executing on that learning. The biggest difference between this realization and so many that have come before it, is that I finally found the right starting point. I have spent years ordering books and "systems" that promised to change my life for the better as they had so many others that had ordered them and learned them and put them into practice. Late night and early morning TV is filled with these miracle products. Just order my course for 1000 easy payments of $2.99 and you too can learn the secrets that will unlock the door to your dream life. Everybody from Carlton Sheets to the dude with the suit that looks like the Riddler to Anthony Robbins to Donald Trump. They all had the answers and I ponied up to get those answers because something just wasn't working. I'm smart, but I just missed something along the way and these guys are here to help me, right? RIGHT! What is so ridiculously clear now is that nothing I tried would have ever worked, and in fact nothing I tried did. Not because I am stupid or weak or don't want to succeed, but because I couldn't! Literally, physiologically could not. I now know that when my standard answer to why I did or did not do something was "I don't know", it was because I really, truly did not know. What a revelation! What a thing to discover that this is due to a disorder and not a lack of interest or a lack of effort. Whenever I vowed to make an effort, the vow was based on true desire and the lack of ability to focus and follow through and be wildly successful like those people I saw on TV was because that just wasn't the way my brain worked, even though it was supposed to. Part of this feels like an excuse, but I know in my heart that it isn't. What I see so very clearly now is that in order to set myself up for success, it took what I am doing now. It took a medical diagnosis and a prescription and some serious research to discover that I can create the ability to focus on the necessary learning and the application of that learning to know success. With the knowledge gained in the past week, and the mere fact that I am able to have a day like I had today, a day where I woke up, took a pill, made a list, recorded my meds from the previous day, floundered for a while until my focus was sharpened, exercised willingly for 40 minutes while listening to, and absorbing the material from, an audio book on ADHD, took a 20 minute shower, successfully worked my way through my list and am now sitting here writing like a mad man, albeit with a fairly strong vodka & cranberry (all things in good time!) , this behavior and level of early success gives me the absolute faith that, as long as I dedicate myself to a very rigorous and well planned treatment program that includes therapy, meds and support, I am perfectly capable of seeing to fruition whatever goal I set for myself.

Alrighty then , I am relatively certain that the final sentence in the paragraph above would qualify as the longest run on sentence I have ever written, and I've written a few! That fact, and the clock on the wall, tells me it's time to bring this blog entry to a close. I certainly haven't covered everything that has been stirring in my head for the past three days; not even close. I will create a habit of writing shorter amounts more frequently, but it will take time to hone that skill, just like everything else. What a beautiful thing to be able to see that and to know that it will happen! I cannot even begin to tell you, dear reader, whoever you are, what a beautiful thing it is.

Another entry is promised after my Dr. visit tomorrow. Until then, be well and thrive.

Day…um…day…oh, never mind, it's all Days Gone By now!

 

What the crap did I say up there? An entry PROMISED after the next day's Dr. visit? That was fully two weeks ago! No way can I play catch up for a full two weeks to any level of details. Let's do highlights instead, yeah?

I know there was a week away on business. It was a good week as weeks ago. Wait, let's back up a bit. I forgot the juicy part with the Doctor appointment!

So I shared a super concentrated version of all the ramblings above with him and he just verbally bitch slapped me! Apparently the patient is not supposed to take on the task of playing around with the meds. Who knew? Seriously though, he brought up the very valid and not a little scary point that with my heart thingy (The SVT. I mentioned that, right?) increasing the dosage of stimulants I take by obtaining a few extra pills from a fellow ADDer is dangerous and could kill me! Definitely not the desired result. I left his office feeling like a scolded child, but it was deserved. Plus I got what I wanted anyway. He agreed to let me continue with the dosages I had found to be more helpful through my little experiment. All's well that ends well…right???

OK, the business trip. Really good on a daily basis until the last day. Got up every morning and walked, vigorously I might add, for 30 or 40 minutes and ate healthy all day, then another 30 minutes on the elliptical after coming back to the hotel. On top of that, I limited myself to no more than two glasses of wine with dinner at night and drank nothing more before or after that. These are seriously large changes for me. A virtual paradigm shift, I tell ya. Very, very cool and happiness inducing. Day four, however, was a bummer. I ended up getting stuck in Alexandria, LA for an extra day and night. Too long a story to regale you with here, dear reader. Suffice it to say I had only packed enough meds for the 3 day trip. NEVER AGAIN! The day started well enough and I stuck to my morning routine, meds or no meds. By the end of the day I was a bit of a wreck, though. Turned straight to alcohol to self medicate. Only one double scotch at the airport at 5:00 PM-ish, but still, just feeling the strong compulsion to do that was aggravating. Anyway, I made it through, albeit unhappily. Back on track the next day and things have been pretty good since.

Now, for the past week I have noticed a slight change, an inconsistency in my mood and performance even while sticking to the same dosages of Adderall (10mg IR at 6AM, 10mg XR at noon, 10mg IR at 5PM.) Mornings continue to be my best time for motivation and follow through; drinking decaf, working out at the gym, eating a healthy breakfast, taking my supplements and skipping off to work with a jaunty step and a smile in my heart. Afternoons take a slight detour, though. I think it's the slower, lower XR's that are doing that. I start to fidget and wander and become very distractible and unable to stick with a conversation without my head just going off somewhere less uninteresting to me. I see somebody talking at me but I hear Charlie Brown's teacher. By the time I pop the 5PM IR it's time to go have an evening and within 20 minutes or so, I am back to being switched on, not interested in TV very much, not interested in more than a glass of wine or so, just generally enjoying a productive evening and a good night's sleep. Time to research and see what new thing I can beg my doc for. I'm still pursuing long term treatment that will likely include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but that hasn't solidified yet. Hard to find someone close that is in my health plan and that doesn't just completely turn me off. We'll see where it all goes. What's the alternative? I've spent years seeing it all go nowhere and this is better by leaps and bounds…TRULY.

Another Day, Another set of meds to try

 

OK here's a new twist just for fun...

   

Just came from head doctor appointment and have a new regime to try.  He wants me to take a 10mg IR AND a 15mg XR when I wake up, followed by another 15mg XR early afternoon.  I am to do that for a few days to see how it changes the current set of inconsistencies with regard to having good motivation and follow through but still a lack of focus and concentration.  What I mean by that is that my mornings are grand, what with getting up, popping a pill, having a cup o' decaf and heading off to the gym like a good little ADDer, but then finding myself unable to have a conversation without my head going off to whatever place it damn well feels like and me not having a clue what the crap my boss is saying to me!

   

And if that's not enough, after the 3 or 4 days, I am adding a 25mg Strattera at bedtime.  Woohoo!  Better living through chemicals, right? The Strattera is supposed to make up the difference where the Adderall is lacking. That would be grand…grand I tell ya. I am feeling antsy and want to start the Strattera tonight, but I said I would follow the doc's rules, and follow them I will. He's a good guy, no matter how much of a jagoff I thought he was after scolding me two weeks ago. He has my health, both mental and physical in mind. Oh yeah, ad he has that medical diploma thingy up on his wall too. I don't have one of those, so he's in charge, I guess.

Stay tuned for further developments and they..um…develop?

The ADHD Affininty Group

I just started a Google group to create my own ADHD team as suggested by Dr. Hallowell in Delivered from Distraction.  I like the idea and since I fully accept that learning to live with this is not something I will do alone with any degree of success, I asked a couple of friends to join me in this.  They accepted gladly and now there's a group.  Coming up with an idea and then executing on it is a new and wonderful thing for me!  If you read my blog, chances are you are someone close to me, so feel free join our affinity if only to lurk or better yet, to be a part of it.  Either way, I'm good.

ADHDAffinity

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Recipes for Men

A place to look for things you can cook (no, REALLY, you can) for your kids, partner, whoever.  I'll try to divide them out into categories or at least into difficulty levels at some point.  For the time being it is just a list and you're going to have to scroll through it.

   

Turkey and Spinach Scramble with Gravy

·         1 package ground turkey (1.25 lbs.)

·         Spices (increase/decrease/eliminate based on personal tastes)

o    2 tsp kosher salt

o    2 tsp black pepper

o    ½ tsp Ground ginger

o    ½ tsp Ground nutmeg

o    ¼ tsp cayenne pepper or ½ tsp crushed red pepper flakes

o    ½ tsp thyme

o    1/4 cup Wondra or all purpose flour

1 cup whole or low fat milk

½ tsp paprika1 bag fresh baby spinach

·       1 medium sweet onion, chopped

·       2 Tbls Olive Oil

·       Non-stick cooking spray, margarine or butter for scrambling eggs

·       4 to 6 large eggs, scrambled

Now, this works best if you mix up all the spices with the ground turkey a day ahead of time and let it sit in a bowl in the fridge for a day, or at least overnight.  That way, the spices really work themselves into the meat and give it a true sausage flavor.

Heat the olive oil on medium heat in a 2 qt sauce pan and add the chopped onion.  Sauté the onions until soft and translucent, stirring frequently.  This should take about 5 minutes or so.  Add the ground turkey to the sauce pan, along with all the spices if you haven't mixed them into the turkey meat ahead of time like you were supposed to, and cook until no pink is visible, also stirring frequently and breaking up any large pieces.  Once the meat is cooked, add the flour, about a third at a time, stirring constantly so it coats all the meat.  Cook that, continuing to stir, for about 5 minutes more.  Pour the milk into the pan slowly, stirring all the while.  It should all start to thicken fairly quickly.  If you have used all the milk and it still seems too thick, pour in more milk, a little at a time, until it's the consistency of thick country gravy.

Open spinach and pour half the bag on top of the meat and cover, leaving to steam for about 5 minute.  Take off lid and stir the spinach into the meat mixture, then add the rest of the bag and repeat.

While the second batch of spinach is steaming, heat a frying pan on medium low and add butter, margarine or cooking spray.  Scramble the eggs until almost done.  Don't let them cook to a dry scramble.  Remove pan from heat and let stand for a few (3 or 4) minutes.  Remove the lid from the sauce pan and stir the spinach into the meat, then pour scrambled eggs into sauce pan and stir gently, mixing well but not allowing the eggs to become as fine as the ground meat.

Dish it up, sprinkle with shredded cheddar, or other cheese, and enjoy!

“Almost Homemade” Pizza

This is an easy one, but allows for a variety of flavors and favorites.  I make 2 at a time.

·         2 X Boboli Pizza Crusts (including the sauce packets)

·         1 bag of Kraft, or other, Italian cheese blend

·         Toppings as described or do your own mix

For all varieties, heat oven to 400 degrees F.

Regular Old Pizza

Squeeze one packet of Boboli sauce onto one crust and spread evenly with the back of a metal spoon, leaving about ¼ inch around the edge without sauce.  Sprinkle ½ cup of the cheese evenly and then apply whatever topping strike your fancy.  Don’t over pile toppings as they will not heat through and vegetables may not cook.  Sprinkle another ½ cup of the cheese over the toppings.

Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes, checking after 15 and remove from oven when cheese is just starting to brown a little.  DO NOT OVERCOOK!

White Pizza

·         4 cloves of garlic, smashed and finely minced (can substitute jarred crushed garlic, but it sucks ass)

·         Olive oil ( 2 Tbsp or so)

·         ½ bag of the Italian cheese blend

Pour olive oil on crust and spread evenly with the back of a metal spoon.  Now sprinkle the minced garlic evenly all over the crust.  Let sit about 5 minutes, then sprinkle half the bag of cheese over the oil and garlic, spreading evenly.

Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes, checking after 15 and remove from oven when cheese is just starting to brown a little.  DO NOT OVERCOOK!

Variations on a theme.  My kids love almost all of these.

If you have a small food processor, this is awesome!  Put a handful of pinoli (pine nuts) and a fair size bunch of fresh basil in the mini processor.  Pulse the blade 8 to 10 times to chop it all together without liquefying it.  Pour the cheese you will use for the white pizza in a medium to large mixing bowl and then add the pine nut and basil mixture.  Toss with your hands until it is mixed evenly and you see lots of green specs throughout the shredded cheese.  Now top the pizza with this and you have the most amazing tasting white pesto pizza you ever made.

You can also add things like chopped or julienned sun dried tomatoes, strips of prosciutto, crumbled gorgonzola and/or thinly sliced crimini (brown) mushrooms.  All fantastic!

BBQ Chicken Pizza

·         1/3 bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce

·         ½ red onion, chopped

·         2 boneless chicken breasts (or one package of precooked chicken breast strips)

·         ½ cup crumbled bacon pieces (cook your own or buy it in the salad aisle)

·         ½ bag of the Italian cheese blend, or a cheddar jack mix is really good too.

Rub a little olive oil all over the chicken breasts, then liberally salt (kosher!) and pepper (fresh ground!) both sides.  Let stand for 5 to 10 minutes, then bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes, or grill if desired.  Either way, slice lengthwise into ½ inch strips and then cut those crosswise into small cubes.

Pour the BBQ sauce on the Boboli crust and spread evenly with the back of a metal spoon.  Sprinkle half the cheese evenly around the crust.  You should still see plenty of sauce through this thin layer of cheese.  Now spread the chopped chicken, the bacon and the onions.  Sprinkle the remaining cheese over this and spread evenly.

Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes, checking after 15 and remove from oven when cheese is just starting to brown a little.  DO NOT OVERCOOK!

EASIEST Chili

Honestly, the best thing to do here is to buy some Carrol Shelby Texas Chili Seasoning Mix

Found in the aisle with the other powdered sauce mixes and looks like this à then add the ingredients below.

·         I medium yellow onion, chopped

·         3 cloves garlic, smashed and chopped

·         I can good quality black beans

Using ground beef or turkey, brown the meat in a sauce pan and drain the fat.  Transfer the meat to your Crockpot, turned on low, and add the rest of the packets just like the directions say except for adding the Masa flour.

When you get home, mix the Masa flour and water as on directions and stir into the Crockpot.  Let it cook another 15 to 20 minutes and serve. 

Bake a pan of Jiffy cornbread

and serve the chili over it, or some plain boiled macaroni or spaghetti.  Sprinkle with shredded cheddar, jack, pepper-jack, whatever.  Also, adding a dollop of sour cream is awesome. They’ll love you more than they already do.

Easy Cheese Sauce

·         1/2 stick of butter (margarine is ok too, but yuck!)

·         1/4 cup of flour

·         2 cups of cold milk

·         ~8 oz. shredded "melting" cheese

This sauce starts with a roux, so melt the butter in a sauce pan on medium low heat and when it just foams (do not let it brown!) add the flour; all purpose is fine, but I like Wondra for really silky smooth sauces.

Stir that on med-low heat for about 5 minutes. You're trying to cook out the starch, and you'll know it's done when it smells a little like cooked pie crust. Be careful not to brown the butter and flour, you want what's called a "blond" roux, a very light roux.

Now, take cold milk, it's very important it's cold, and whisk in 1/2 cup. This is the foolproof method for no lumps. Because you're just whisking in a half cup, it’s going to thicken pretty quickly.

Once you have the first 1/2 cup milk whisked in you can add the other 1 1/2 cups. Add a pinch of nutmeg, and a pinch of cayenne pepper, about 1/8 teaspoon, which really brings out the flavor.

Let that simmer on low for about 10 minutes. Stir it occasionally to make sure it's not sticking. While that is simmering you can grate the cheese. I use 8-oz of grated vintage white cheddar, but any melting cheese is going to work. You can use swiss, gruyere, edam, gouda (smoked? Mmmmm), whatever you like.

Once the sauce has simmered for about 10 minutes, it's going to get nice and thick.  Turn off the heat now.  Add the cheese in 3 additions. Very important you turn off the sauce. Dump in the first 1/3 of the cheese and whisk it in. When it disappears, add the next handful and when that's in add the last handful. Your sauce is done, now you have to season it.

Since there was no salt added, taste it because cheeses can vary in saltiness. Go ahead and add a pinch of salt to taste if needed.  White pepper can also be added.  Tastes great and won’t give you a sauce with lots of black specks, but ground black pepper is good too.  It just takes away from the silky and pristine look of the sauce.

Salty Sweet Succotash

·         ½ lb green beans (fresh or frozen)

·         ½ cup green onions with tops, chopped

·         1 ½ cups sweet corn (preferably fresh, frozen is ok and much easier)

·         1 tsp sugar

·         ½ tsp salt (kosher preferred)

·         2 tbl butter

·         ½ tsp paprika

·         ½ tsp celery salt

Cut beans around the size of corn kernals; par boil with 1/2 teaspoon salt for 5 minutes; drain and run cold water over them to halt cooking process.

Sauté green onions in butter until transparent (do not brown).   Add corn, salt, paprika, celery salt and sugar, then beans.   Simmer, covered about 10 minutes.

Petite Ratatouille

2 tblsp olive oil

2 medium zucchini squash, diced very small

1 medium red onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, smashed and minced

5 large crimini (brown) mushrooms, diced very small

1 15 oz. can petite diced tomatoes (unseasoned, meaning do not buy the flavored kind)

1 small can tomato paste (unseasoned)

1, maybe 2, tblsp Mccormick Gourmet Herb De Provence (Total guess here.  I have never measured)

Salt and Pepper to taste

To get the small dice on the zucchini, cut off both ends, cut in half crossways, cut each half down the middle lengthways, keep dividing in half lengthways until you have a bunch of strips about ¼ inch thick.  Now start slicing those crossways in ¼ inch chunks.  Walla!  Petite dice!  For the mushrooms, do pretty much the same, after washing and removing the stems.

Heat the oil on medium low in a sauce pan, at least 2 qt size.  Add the onions and garlic and sauté for a minute or two.  Sprinkle in 1 tblsp Herb de Provence and stir until well mixed.  Continue cooking another five minutes, stirring occasionally.  Do not let onions or garlic brown.

When the onions are translucent and the kitchen smells like you are in the French countryside, add the zucchini and stir thoroughly.  Cook for another 5 minutes stirring occasionally, then add the mushrooms, tomatoes, tomato paste and mix very well.  Cover and let simmer for 10 minutes or so.

Stir and taste to see if you need/want more herbs.  You may find it fine with what is already there.  Salt and pepper to taste.  I usually add about a tsp of sugar at this point as well.  It’s up to you.  Stir well and let simmer uncovered on very low heat until you are ready to serve.

Pan seared salmon with mustard and herbs (or dill)

2 salmon filets, skin on (about 8-10 ounces each)
2 teaspoons whole seed or Dijon mustard ( I like Sierra Nevada Pale Ale mustard for this)
1 tsp dried herb de Provence (or dill)
½ cup dry white wine (sauvignon blanc is an excellent choice!)

½ lemon
kosher salt & fresh ground pepper, to taste

Preheat oven to 400 F. Rub salmon filets with a little olive oil and season with salt & pepper, to taste. Spread one teaspoon of mustard on flesh side and pat ½ tsp of herbs on top of mustard, on each filet.
Heat a large cast iron, or other oven safe, frying pan over high heat until sprinkled water jumps off the pan. Cook salmon filets, flesh & herb side down, for a couple minutes (2-3 depending on how hot your pan is) until nicely browned. Turn filets over, remove pan from heat and add white wine to the pan and squeeze the lemon - do not pour liquid over filets, as you will wash off the mustard crust.  “Swoosh” the pan around very gently to mix the wine and lemon juice with any pan juices.  Place pan into preheated oven and bake for about 5-10 minutes, or until flesh will pull apart easily with a fork.

Serve the rest of the wine with the meal and use the remaining ½ lemon for garnish on top of the fish.  See below from Sunkist’s website.

	Cartwheel Twists: Make one cut from the center of an unpeeled cartwheel slice through the outer peel. Twist the ends in opposite directions, standing the cartwheel gently. Use plain or decorate with parsley or watercress.
	Double Cartwheel Twists, Flowers, and Butterflies: 1. Cut a thin slice from each end of an unpeeled orange or lemon. Cut the fruit crosswise, but not quite through; make a second cut crosswise, cutting off the double cartwheel slice. 2. Make one cut from the center through the outer peel where the slices are attached. 3. Twist the cut ends in opposite directions for "Double Cartwheel Twists." 4. Twist two double cartwheel slices together to form a "Flower." 5. Bring the cut ends of a double cartwheel slice together and overlap; gently spread the slices to form a "Butterfly" garnish.

Space Filler

Nothing really to add today.  I was just tired of having that chicken recipe be the first thing one sees when they get here.  Go to Food and Drink category if you want recipes!

Maybe something interesting will occur to me later and I'll come back and update.  Maybe not.

Crispy Roasted Chicken and Potatoes

This is a great recipe that I have played around with as far as changing up the brine mixture. The salt and sugar alone is pretty boring, although it works as described. I like to add crushed garlic, fresh thyme springs, white wine, whole black peppercorns, bay leaves and a couple of lemons, zested and squeezed. Then put two slices of lemon and two sprigs of thyme under each half of the chicken before broiling. This drips down onto the potatoes while cooking and tastes fantastic. Finally, when the chicken is done, the potatoes will be a little soft and greasy, so take the top of the broiler pan off and put the potatoes under the broiler until they crisp up. Dee-lish!

If you prefer not to brine, use a kosher chicken - it is salted and has a taste and texture similar to a brined bird. For extracrisp skin, after applying the flavored butter (if using -- see related recipes), let the chicken dry uncovered in the refrigerator 8 to 24 hours. Russet potatoes have the best potato flavor, but Yukon Golds have beautiful color and better retain their shape after cooking. Either works well in this recipe. A food processor makes quick and easy work of slicing the potatoes.

Serves 4

1	cup kosher salt (or 1/2 cup table salt), for brine
1/2	cup granulated sugar
1	whole chicken , 3 1/2 to 4 lbs, preferably free-range or other high-quality chicken such as Bell and Evans, giblets removed and reserved for another use, fat around cavity removed and discarded
2 1/2	pounds russet potatoes (4 to 5 medium), or Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/8 to 1/4 inch thick
	Vegetable cooking spray (nonstick)
1 1/2	tablespoons olive oil
3/4	teaspoon table salt (for potatoes)
	Ground black pepper

1. Dissolve salt and sugar in 2 quarts cold water in large container. Immerse chicken and refrigerate until fully seasoned, about 1 hour. Meanwhile, adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and heat oven to 500 degrees. Line bottom of broiler pan with foil and spray with nonstick vegetable cooking spray. Remove chicken from brine and rinse thoroughly under cold running water. Following illustrations 1 through 6, butterfly chicken, flatten breastbone, apply flavored butter (if using), and position chicken on broiler pan rack; thoroughly pat dry with paper towels.

2. Toss potatoes with 1 tablespoon oil, salt, and pepper to taste in medium bowl. Spread potatoes in even layer in foil-lined broiler pan bottom. Place broiler pan rack with chicken on top. Rub chicken with remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons oil and sprinkle with pepper.

3. Roast chicken until spotty brown, about 20 minutes. Rotate pan and continue to roast until skin has crisped and turned a deep brown and an instant-read thermometer registers 160 degrees in thickest part of breast, 20 to 25 minutes longer. Transfer chicken to cutting board. With potholders, remove broiler pan rack; soak up excess grease from potatoes with several sheets paper towels. Remove foil liner with potatoes from broiler pan bottom and invert foil and potatoes onto cookie sheet or second cutting board. Carefully peel back foil, using a metal spatula to help scrape potatoes off foil as needed. With additional paper towels, pat off remaining grease. Cut chicken into serving pieces and serve with potatoes.




Step-by-Step: Preparing to Roast

1. Cut through bones on either side of backbone, then remove and discard backbone.	2. Flip chicken over as shown and use the heel of your hand to flatten breastbone.
3. If using a compound butter, slip your fingers between skin and breast, loosening the membrane.	4. Scoop some of the butter onto a spoon, slide it under breast skin, and push off with your fingers.
5. Work butter under skin to cover breast evenly. Repeat steps 4 and 5 with each drumstick and thigh.	6. Transfer to broiling rack and push legs up to rest between thighs and the breast.